Growing up, I was always skinny. I had a terrible diet, but always stayed skinny. Underweight, even. As I grew older and into my early teens, naturally I started putting on weight. I saw someone else in the mirror, and I didn’t like it. Other people noticed my body changes. By that, I mean I “think” I heard ONE person say that I’d put on weight. That is what started a 6-year battle with an undiagnosed eating disorder. That’s all it took. Scary.
So, I started walking more – fine. Eating less – bad. There was nothing wrong with gaining weight, I was just growing up. But my mind was warped and I saw myself as chubby. I hated it. I would walk whenever I could. At weekends or when I wasn’t at college, I would keep walking. I had access to a large forest, so I would spend my days walking through it trying to lose weight. It wasn’t until I moved out of my parents’ house that things got worse.
I lived on my own, would only buy low calorie foods, I logged everything I ate, and all the exercise I did. I remember deliberately putting in more food than I had eaten - “just in case”, almost to trick myself into thinking I had eaten a normal amount. Walking miles to work each day was another way of loosing weight, and would just go to sleep when I got home. Everyone noticed how underweight and ill I looked – except me. I still saw a chubby girl looking back in the mirror.
I started lifting weights after seeing Paige Hathaway’s Instagram account. She looked amazing, and was a healthy weight. I then saw myself as underweight. She motivated me. While I was going to the gym, I still had an issue with food and ate no carbs at all, still eating very little.
I decided to ditch logging my calories (and the undiagnosed eating disorder) and naturally started putting on weight -well on my way to Recovery. While this felt horrible at first, I got over it and just focused on growing my muscles. My Instagram following always have supported me which has made it so much easier.
I feel happier and healthier than ever, and I eat carbs without hesitation :)! And while I still have my off days, I realise; so does everyone. The important thing is -I have my life back and started Vow Strength, so that I can help others who are/have been in a similar situation.
If you want to chat to me, send me a message.